I received a text message from a good friend (who is also a foster mama) today warning me to “be ready for the lawyers to try and trick me with nasty questions at the permanency hearing this Friday.” This is not the first time that I’ve been warned about this possibility. You see, the same lawyers that represent abused and neglected children in one case turn around and represent the abusers and neglecters in the next case. They, in essence know how to play both sides. This scares the poop out of me! (Pardon my language, but it DOES!)
I have been around since day number one when our foster children came into the state’s care. I have been the one caring for, losing sleep over, tending to the every need of these precious children who legally belong to someone else. I literally have NO RIGHTS when it comes to these little ones and protecting their future. Nobody cares what I think. Nobody wants to know my opinion, but the lawyers would just love to get me to say something degrading or unsupportive of the birth family in this case. They would love to try and show that our family has not supported reunification or that we have in some way hindered it. This makes me so MAD! I cannot wait to get asked these questions. I cannot wait to be able to say without a shadow of a doubt in my mind that our family has bent over backwards trying to help this family! I cannot wait to tell them how many HOURS upon HOURS I have sat with Little Man on my lap waiting for a family member to call him. I cannot wait to tell them about the picture books I’ve made, the photos I’ve framed, the artwork I’ve saved to give to birth family members. I cannot wait to tell them about spending time talking with family members and encouraging them to do what the social workers are asking them to do. I cannot wait.
But, yes I am still scared. I have never been to court before. I want to be strong. I want to do the right thing. I want a positive future for these babies. I want the best for them! My whole world has been wrapped up in their little lives for 11 1/2 months! They mean the world to me! Of course, I am afraid!
Then, today in my Facebook feed, I saw this Bible verse and it reminded me of who is going with me to court this Friday. It reminded me that I do not have to be afraid! I have the Lord of heaven and earth with me wherever I go and surely He will go before the babies and I and prepare a way for them to have a bright and loving future.
“Be strong and courageous. Don’t be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”