Little Man has tantrums, outbursts, and meltdowns. Whatever you call them, they are unpleasant. The people around us don’t always know what to do, let alone what to think when he starts down that path. If we’re in public, we try to leave fairly quickly. If we’re at home he goes in time-out or time-in depending on how bad it gets. When he is being watched by someone other than a family member we just pray it doesn’t happen and if it does we come back quickly to take care of our little guy and relieve the caregiver who simply can’t or doesn’t want to handle it. There are a few people who, I feel really really try and who really really love our little guy. Then, there are those who look at me with huge sorrowful eyes as I am taking my Little Man home and say in an exasperated tone, “what are you going to do with him?” Today, I responded, “I’m going to hug him, and kiss him, and put him to bed.” What else could I say? I didn’t have time to explain that we are in therapy and that I too desperately want to know what to do! I didn’t have time to say how scared I am that he will never get over these types of outbursts. I don’t want to even think about the very real and soon approaching possibility that he will have to handle being ripped away from me after I’ve been the only mommy he has known for the last 14 months. Any biological family member who “could possibly” raise him has poverty, drug history, mental illness, troubles with the law and/or bad life choices to overcome in addition to then adding a very traumatized toddler to the mix. Will they or can they handle him? Will they be patient and kind? Will they spend hours holding and cuddling him after a meltdown? Will they tuck him in “just right,” so that he feels safe and comfortable enough to sleep at night? All of these things, we do as a family each and every day for our Little Man. It is a kind of a “dance” that we do to keep him happy and calm. Oh, how heavy my heart was tonight with all of this on my mind. I have been reading and searching the scriptures about prayer and worry this week and here is what I’ve found.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
So, I found my encouragement for today! I will lean on HIM, my holy savior and trust HIM to make the right path for me AND for my Little Man.