Why do they do this to me?

Why in the world do social workers text me on a Friday afternoon, right as I am picking my children up from school to say they “need” to visit with me Monday morning? With Little Man’s future hanging in the balance, this statement causes me a lot of stress! Way to ruin the weekend!!!

But, I will NOT let this ruin our weekend this time! It has happened too many times before! I will NOT let it happen this time! I immediately called a friend asking if her son could come spend the night with Oldest Boy tonight. Oldest Girl is out of town for soccer. All of the kids need a distraction and who am I kidding, I do too! So, here’s to the weekend filled with pizza deliveries, video games, late night movies and jumping on the trampoline!

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Her hair

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Her hair is so beautiful, my sweet Baby Girl’s. I love to wash it, condition it, moisturize it, and style it. She came to me at 6 months old with a very bald spot on the back of her head and it has filled in so nicely these last 15 months. When we have somewhere to go, I love to put pretty bows and clips in her hair and doll her all up like a princess! She is that, our little princess! I received the nicest compliment at the store the other day. The cashier said, “you’ve done such a nice job with her hair, I straightened mine years ago and only wish I had my curls back again. Her curls are so beautiful!” I could hardly keep from jumping over the counter to hug that cashier! I work so hard to live up to the standards that I know are out there. I’m new at this and I just want to do a good job! That comment meant more to me than that cashier will ever know! “Thank you,” I told her, “I love her curls too!”

Book Review of, “My Sister Abby,” by Allison Barberi

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Lately, I’ve been catching up on my reading. I’ve ordered a few hundred dollars worth of books from Amazon this year already. Some, I’m giving as gifts, but some are to diversify our family’s library. I bought this book, “My Sister Abby,” by Allison Barberi because of the picture on the front (I’m just being honest here!). The two little girls on the cover reminded me of my youngest two girls, Baby Girl and Middle Girl. Like the sisters in the book they share a room, giggle, laugh, and play together and enjoy dancing. It was a perfect add to our library!

This sweet easily read story is written from the point of view of the sister, Emma. Emma talks about when she was three years old her parents adopted her sister, Abby from Africa. She describes the changes that Abby went through coming into a new family and about how she and her sister became best friends. The type of adoption discussed in this book is international multicultural adoption, but the adoption story has similar traits that many can relate to in all adoptions. The book discusses it taking time for a new family member to become comfortable after adoption. I also love how it shows that some of our best friends in life will be our family! I am very excited to read this book to my youngest two before bed tonight! They too are best friends and if God and the courts see fit, maybe one day they too will be sisters forever!

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with or employed by anyone or any company responsible for publishing this book. I am simply a boring stay-at-home mama sharing my personal opinion of a book that I’ve recently added to our family’s library.

Precious moments in the midst of chaos

People who know us best know that our house is full of chaos. There are children running, children screaming, children laughing, children playing and sometimes children fighting. Our youngest two, ages three and twenty-one months seem to be constantly at each other these days. If one has a toy, the other one wants it and takes it forcefully! If one is on my lap the other one decides they want up there too. Of course both of them sitting up there together doesn’t seem acceptable to either. They express themselves by pushing, kicking, screaming, scratching me and trying to scratch each other. Timeout is a regular occurrence these days. It seems that as one is getting out of timeout the other one is headed to timeout. Sometimes it feels just endless. Why can’t we all just get along?

But then there are those moments, those precious precious moments. We had one of those this morning. Baby Girl was sitting on my lap snuggling and trying to wake up. Little Man was eating his breakfast at the table next to us. Out of nowhere, he ran to the back of the house and came back dragging a large warm blanket. Coming over to where Baby Girl and I were sitting he gently laid the blanket on top of her. He then climbed up into the chair and sweetly kissed her cheek. O, the sweetness of that moment! Did it last long? No. She grunted at him and pushed him away, but I praised Little Man for being so sweet and loving with his sister. I was so proud of him!!!

Another visit tomorrow

No visits were requested or kept for over ten months… We had a court date where not one single family member showed up and now all of a sudden someone wants him back. It breaks me to the core to have raised this little guy for 15 months and then to lose him in the end to a person who showed little to no interest until… Well, until he was told, “it’s your last chance.” DHR gives birth families about a million chances and I guess that’s the point. To change these families and preserve them at all costs. But, after all we’ve been through together, it still breaks me to the core thinking of losing our Little Man.

It broke my heart.

My dear sweet neighbor died this morning. I have cleaned his house for the last 2+ years and have grown to love him and his family. He was elderly and had led a full life, but death always brings tears. It broke my heart to sit at his bedside those last few hours he was really awake. It broke my heart to watch his daughter run into her father’s room after a ten hour drive, hoping she had gotten there in time to say, “goodbye.” It broke my heart those four days of waiting as we all checked on him and sat with him and talked to him even though he wasn’t really there anymore. It broke my heart. And this morning when I got the expected text at 4:00 a.m. that he had breathed his last breath, it still broke my heart.

Dying

Here I sit at the bedside of my precious elderly neighbor. He is dying. Doctors found the horrible cancer only a week ago and it is already taking his life. He is hardly able to breathe. His chest is heaving and falling with force. Only two days ago I sat in the living room with my friend talking about family, t.v. shows, and the military. Now, he cannot speak. His eyes barely opening as I speak gently to him. He is dying. All I can do for him now is pray over his sick body. Lord Jesus let there be no pain! Let YOUR will be done. And I will pray.

Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

No digital device for a while

Okay, so yea, I can’t exactly give up my cell phone right now.  I’m a military wife, with a husband serving overseas, I am NOT going to miss his calls.  But, I am going to give up the IPAD and any non-essential digital device applications for the rest of this month.  I had the idea when I realized that when I am stressed, worried, or panicked even (I’m a foster mom, this happens daily) I reach for the device.  I post on Facebook asking for prayer before I even pray for the situation myself.  Something is really very wrong with that!  I’m not doing it anymore!  I KNOW that our situation with our foster babies needs prayer!  I KNOW that the ONLY answer to my worry and frustration with their case is to bring it to God and to lay it at the feet of Jesus.

So, instead of posting, texting or messaging for the rest of this month, I’m going “old fashioned” and journalling my “conversations with God.”  I’m going to keep track of my thoughts and prayers and give them to Jesus.  I’m going to create a notebook where I can keep track of my prayers and witness the answers that God gives me.  Even if those answers are not the ones I’m expecting or anticipating, I want to keep track of them.

I want an amazing testimony when this is all said and done and I can’t have that if I don’t MOVE MY BEHIND over and give God room to work!  I absolutely HAVE TO LET GO.  So, here it goes!  I’m gonna try!  Wish me luck!

15 months

Fifteen months, today we’ve officially hit fifteen months. Fifteen months of caring for Little Man and Baby Girl. Fifteen months of being their mommy. I have no idea what the next month will bring. It could bring a court date to decide Little Man’s future or it could bring no changes whatsoever. But, we’ll be here living, loving, and caring until something changes.

Rocking her to sleep

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Tonight I sit and rock my baby to sleep. I whisper prayers to my Heavenly Father as we rock back and forth, back and forth. Prayers for blessings to shower over Baby Girl for her entire life. Prayers for peace and comfort for me.

I tell Baby Girl I love her and that I always will. Moments like this I don’t take for granted. She could be taken back in the blink of an eye and I am all too aware of that reality. Fifteen months of being her mommy. Fifteen glorious months. I am so thankful!