I know I shouldn’t think this way.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with keeping my negative thoughts at bay.  “I must not have been good enough.”  “God, must have thought Little Man would be better off without me.”  “I wasn’t going to be able to handle all of his behaviors.”  “God must have known I would fail, that’s why He took Little Man away.”

I know this is pretty messed up!  I do!  I don’t actually believe God is punishing me. (I don’t think that I believe that anyway).  I try to combat these negative thoughts, but they just creep in there.  And, ya know what?  Keeping “upbeat” and “positive” is exhausting!  

It’s been two weeks and two days and life as a whole is getting a lot better, but it’s still hard.  I’m still grieving.  

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3 thoughts on “I know I shouldn’t think this way.

  1. I just wanted to let you know that you are doing great! I can’t imagine being in your shoes, raising a child, and then having him gone and having no idea how he is. You definitely were good enough and I am sure that he misses you just as much. I pray that you find the peace you and your family deserve. I know it is exhausting, but keep on! You’ll get there.

  2. The book Tear Soup helped me a great deal during the grieving process after my dad died. It isn’t specifically for grieving death, either. It’s for all sorts of losses. Thinking of you and Little Man.

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