Lately, I’ve been struggling with keeping my negative thoughts at bay. “I must not have been good enough.” “God, must have thought Little Man would be better off without me.” “I wasn’t going to be able to handle all of his behaviors.” “God must have known I would fail, that’s why He took Little Man away.”
I know this is pretty messed up! I do! I don’t actually believe God is punishing me. (I don’t think that I believe that anyway). I try to combat these negative thoughts, but they just creep in there. And, ya know what? Keeping “upbeat” and “positive” is exhausting!
It’s been two weeks and two days and life as a whole is getting a lot better, but it’s still hard. I’m still grieving.