Crying myself to sleep

He’s missing.  He’s not coming back.  I may never hear his sweet voice again.  I miss him so much!  “I wuv ooo Mama,” rings in my ears.  I want to get in my truck and go get him!  I dream of them calling and saying they can’t do it any longer.  I dream I get “my” baby back.  But, then I wake up and it was only a dream.  

Last night was hard.  I was so happy having my husband home and we have extended family visiting too.  We were all swimming and playing and laughing in the pool and all I could think of was that Little Man would love this!  Part of my heart has a hole.  It’s “his” place.  It is reserved for him.  Thank the Lord my husband was here last night to hold me.  He said all of the right things.  He reassured me like only he can.  Then, he prayed.  He prayed out loud for Little Man.  He said everything to God that I wanted to say, but just couldn’t vocalize at that moment.  He thanked God for Baby Girl and for all of our children.  Then, he prayed God would bring us a little boy who needs a family.  He asked for us to know the path that is right for our family.  And then he said, “amen,” and I felt relief.  I felt okay again.  My heart still hurts, but today I can take another step forward.  

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4 thoughts on “Crying myself to sleep

  1. I’m so sorry for your pain sweet friend. Praying for peace in the midst of it and that it draws you closer to the One who collects all your tears. Thankful for your continued obedience. -Elizabeth Pedigo

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