Maybe we’re a table for six.

We never really went out to eat all that much when we had Little Man.  He didn’t do very well in crowded restaurants or with anything out of the ordinary, really.  He preferred to stay home and that was fine with us.  We got used to ordering in and enjoying our family time.  But, the few times that we did eat out and the greeter asked, “How many?” it just felt right saying, “Table for seven, please.”  I got used to it.

It is coming up on five months since Little Man left.  I still accidentally say, “Seven please,” but then have to correct myself and say, “I mean six.”  It stings.  We’ve kept our home open for potential foster placements.  We took a month off to make sure that our hearts could handle it again.  We talked to the children in depth and made SURE that they would want to do foster care again.  We especially talked with our son (he’s our only boy now) and made sure he didn’t feel like we’d be replacing his brother by accepting another child into our family.  We asked him what he wants.  His answer?  “I want a brother,” he says.  While playing at church or the park he always picks the role of “big brother” when playing with the other kids.  He helps the little guys make baskets on the court or puts them up on his back in church when they can’t see what is going on.  He is a “big brother” by nature.  Yes, he has three sisters and yes two of them are younger, but its just different.  There is just something different about having a brother, he says, someone who plays like you.  So, we’ve waited.  But, after five months, I’m thinking it might not happen.  We might be a family of six.  It might not be meant to be.  After all, we put this in God’s hands and I trust Him!  We gave it over to him.  I haven’t meddled or been obsessively calling our fostering agency.  I’ve sat back and let God, and this is what He’s seen fit to do.  Maybe I’m supposed to be a mother of four.  Maybe that is my number.  After all, foster care is about the child, NOT about the foster family.  Maybe we are just not the right family for another little guy.  Maybe our purpose was to be there for Little Man and Baby Girl and only them.

Maybe, we’re a table for six.

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