Sometimes I get angry at this stupid system! I watch commercials on t.v. about the state “needing” more foster parents. I listen to the radio announcer plug another agency wanting to certify new adoptive parents. I hear stories of children living in other foster homes with far too many other children or not adequate love and attention. Then, I sit back and get pissed! (Please forgive my wording, but yea, I’m pissed!). You wanna know why? Because for 6 months we have been waiting to serve, love, and protect another innocent life. We have said, “We are open. We are willing.” But, we get no calls. I am perfectly happy with our family right now. I love being a mommy to four! Only thing is, when I was a mommy to five, things just felt “right.” Grieving the loss of Little Man has taken months. I think about him constantly! I wish I could make some sense of it, but I can’t. All I can do is believe that God has a purpose. I thought it was that there was another child/children that needed us even more. But, as it turns out, it’s not that at all. We lost him because this system stinks!
That is it. That is all. Some days I just get really mad!
Keeping Calm While Daddy is Gone 
I really appreciate your heart. I have found that healthy venting (aka confessing) delivers the soul from many bitter toxins. Plus, I really, really appreciate your frustration and anger towards the system. I know the Lord can overrule it, but sometimes–especially when “I” can’t figure it out, what in the world the Lord is doing! Thanks for sharing honest emotions.
Amen! Thanks for letting me vent! It does feel better to get it “out of me” and move on towards being part of the solution again! I want so badly to understand “why,” but I know we don’t always get that answer!
I definitely know where you’re coming from. The system DEFINITELY is screwed up — as is this fallen world. But I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of someone else needing your love and affection. God works in mysterious ways. Maybe you won’t get another kid for a year, or five years or maybe you’ll never be an “official” mama to another kid, but maybe God needed to keep you searching for ways to love and reach out to more kids around you in a way you wouldn’t have if Little Man stayed. You don’t know what He has in store for you or your family. It might be a while and it’s so very hard to see that in the short term, but I know He isn’t done with you yet!!!
Thank you!!!