T has a mommy. He knows her and loves her and no matter what she’s done, she IS his mom. He is happy to let me cook for him, clean up after him, and take him places, but he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want to need me either, but right now he does. He stiffens up when I try to hug him, so I don’t. I ask him at least once a day if I can give him a hug, but I don’t try to unless he says it’s okay. I know he needs love and he needs hugs. He needs to know he’s special and loved and that even if he can’t be with his family right now, that he is loved in our’s. So, when I dropped the kids off at school this morning and said as they were all getting out of the truck, “I love you guys! Have a good day,” I tried not to feel sad when he gave me that look that said, “I don’t love you and you’re not my mom.”
I’m not his mommy and he doesn’t love me.
Advertisements
Yes it is hard…I Hear that…but as you said…you were trying not to get sad. That is the right attitude, because even mine, as they were growing up, if they did not like what I did, would not want me around. One of them said “I hate you, You’re not my Mom!” I heard this more than once, and in the end…it was always this child that needed to cuddle later.
I’m sure T will come around if you are constant…he identifies with his mother as part of him even if things were not good…so he stands to lose part of himself if he does not love her..but you are giving him a good, kind, loving home. He will come around, it takes a lot of time, and you are a Hero to me for taking on this daunting task.
You are being Heard!
Thank YOU for those encouraging words!!! I love hearing from other mamas like you, as we are all in the trenches together!
That was one of the things I struggled with most as a foster mama. There’s nothing more heart-wrenching than hearing them say, “I want MY mom.” Because I felt like their mom … Keep loving and bonding whenever and however you can. It’s so important for T!!! Keep up the good work.
Thanks girl! It is so different this time around! To Little Man, I was HIS mama. I know it’s normal and totally okay! I will keep loving!
You constantly amaze me with your big, brave heart. You aren’t afraid to love and that example will translate to him eventually. He will see its okay to love and be loved in your family! Keep your head up, what you do is amazing!
Awe… Thank you!!! I needed that encouragement! Thank you so much!!! I’ll keep trying!!!
I so remember those days… Ten years later, he is a different kid. So glad we hung in there. Prayers for you and yours!
Oh yay! Thank you for sharing! I just keep trying every morning! Each day is a new day to show him love!