He did love us!

Last night I cried my eyes out after receiving a text and a pic from T’s new foster mom.  She had gone into his room to check on him before going to sleep and there he was, asleep holding our picture on his chest.  She took a pic of him sleeping peacefully like that and sent it to me.  Before T moved, I had printed out a pic of all the kids playing in the pool together and typed the words, “We love you T!” on it.  I put the pic in a frame and as we moved him into his new bedroom yesterday, I placed the picture frame on his new bedside table.  Falling asleep for the very first time in his new home, he held our picture and our message of love to him to his chest as he fell asleep.  My heart just broke!  He did love us after all.  He loved us.  And we love him!  We love you T!  You will be in our hearts forever!  We are so happy you will get to grow up with your brothers, ALL of them!  We love you.

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What if we never get another placement? 

Our fostering agency is in trouble financially.  They are no longer training new foster parents in our area.  They cut our social worker’s hours to part-time.  And T just left to be with his brothers today.  I’m no longer a foster mom.  

Driving home after moving T into his new house, I felt weird.  Going from six kiddos in the backseat to only four in less than two weeks time is kind of a shock.  Yes, we knew it was coming.  Yes, I’ll see The Baby and T again.  But, I’m not their foster mom anymore.  I’m not anyone’s foster mom anymore.  Baby Girl is adopted and as of today my title of “foster mom” is gone.  I’m just “mom.”  

I LOVE being just “mom!”  Love it! It’s just strange that I’m not also a foster mom anymore.  2 1/2 years as a foster mom and just like that, it’s over.  Will I ever get to be one again?  I don’t know?  We shall see what God has in store for me, for our family.  We shall see.  

The Baby leaves in 3 days.

I’m rocking him to sleep as I type this post with one hand.  I don’t want to put him in his bed just yet.  You see, The Baby leaves in just three more days.  It feels so weird. It feels so final.  I’m happy for his new foster mom.  She is eventually going to have the entire sibling group of four boys with her.  This is a good thing!  I’m just going to miss him.  When you raise a baby from 2 days to 6 months, you get attached, very attached.  And, I love him.  But, loving and letting go is part of foster care.  Sometimes, I wonder if we will ever do this again.  Thankfully, I don’t have to decide that right now.  I just have to rock him to sleep.