Soccer

So, I’m kinda scared.  Our Oldest Girl just tried out for and made her very first “club” soccer team.  She’s played for the YMCA, for military teams, and school teams, but this will be our family’s first experience with “travel ball.”  My husband played soccer up until his freshman year of high school and he played pretty competitively until he decided football was more fun for him in high school.  Two of my three sisters played soccer and one went on to play in college and now coaches.  I danced.  I was never real “sporty” as a child.  I was a dancer.  I did tap, jazz, ballet, and hip hop and loved it!  I was on a college dance team and I danced all the way up until Oldest Girl was born.  I don’t do soccer.  I’m “soccer stupid.”  I know absolutely NOTHING!

So, tonight as I stood there in the very first club meeting with my three little ones and my Oldest Girl I felt, um well… out of place.  The room was filled with “soccer people” filling out paperwork and getting it notarized.  I had to provide a copy of her birth certificate to prove her age!  This stuff is no joke!  What have I gotten us into?  I know Oldest Girl has a future in high school and maybe even college sports.  She’s amazing and everyone tells me that she’s a natural, but I’m not a “soccer mom.”  I don’t know the rules, I don’t know the coaches, I don’t know the “right” teams to be on, I’m just a mom of an incredibly talented 13-year old girl.  So, wish us luck!  Practices start in July and I’m terrified!

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This little hand…

This little hand belongs to the most precious little girl in the entire world.  Well, at least we think so.  She is our Baby Girl.  She is smart and funny, too cute for her own good and very very sassy.  She stomps her feet and slams doors.  She eats anything you put on her tray.  She likes the color “yellow” and calls all of the colors by that name.  She loves to do “Color Wonder” and play with play dough.  Her purse is a favorite toy and she recently filled it with items from all around the house.  She likes to swing and to jump on the trampoline.  She’d rather be outside than in and absolutely loves the pool.  She likes to run and to climb and I often find her after she’s pulled a chair to the counter to climb up and get something that she wants.  She pulls the outlet safety covers off of the outlets and totally gives me gray hairs.  She scares me half to death constantly trying to undo her buckle to climb out of the grocery cart while I am shopping and is known to throw things out of the cart while she’s at it.  She gives the best hugs and kisses and loves to hold hands.  She is my girl, my Baby Girl.

Some days I just feel like a huge failure!

WARNING: This is not a “feel good” post.

Some days I just feel like a huge failure!

My kids don’t listen to me.  My thirteen year old won’t come out of her room.  My ten year old wants to play video games 24 hours a day.  My seven year old is whiny.  My 2 year old won’t sleep through the night.  The baby has started throwing, kicking, and hitting everything in sight and I’m exhausted!

What am I doing wrong on these days?  I don’t wake up thinking, “Today, I’m going to be a horrible parent.”  I usually wake up very happy to start the day with my kids.  But, some days life is just a mess!

My house is a mess.  There are toys all over the floor.  The laundry is piled upon every available couch, chair, and bed.  I haven’t showered in over 24 hours.  My hair is pulled into a greasy pony tail and I probably smell.  I feel so defeated!  If only, I could wake up a little earlier, maybe then I could shower daily.  Only problem with that, I AM TIRED!  I need more sleep!  So, greasy and smelly I’ll stay.

I recently had a talk with a very sweet friend about how I’m happy as long as my kids are happy.  The truth is that I AM happy as long as they are happy, but I just would like a few small things to go my way for once.

List of things I’d like to go my way…

1. No arguing… THIS IS HUGE!  I am SO TIRED of my seven year old and ten year old bickering at each other!  I want to tie them to each other or make them walk around in the same oversized shirt until they can learn to just GET ALONG!  (side note: I have NOT done this… but I’ve thought about it!  ha ha!)

2. A “less-messy” house.  I’m not a protectionist.  I don’t expect everything to be spotless, but just a little less mess would really make my day!

3. Getting to talk to my soldier at least once a day.  THIS WOULD BE HUGE!  I feel so rejuvenated after talking with him and my life just seems perfect after I’ve reconnected with my love.

4. Money to spare.  There just never seems to be enough for the “extras.”  I know many people feel this way, maybe all of us and I know how truly truly BLESSED we are… I’m just saying it would be nice.

So, there you have it.  I’m real.  I don’t have it all figured out.  Some days are hard.  Sometimes I want to go crawl into my bed and pull the covers over my head and just cry.  Some days I feel like a huge failure!

In ten short days…

In ten short days, I will drive them to court.

In ten short days, we will have an answer of some sort.

In ten short days, I will have no say.

In ten short days, I may have to give them away.

In ten short days, my days with them may be numbered.

In ten short days, all of the options will be covered.

In ten short days, my heart may break.

In ten short days, I don’t know how much I’ll be able to take.

In ten short days, I will be brave for them.

In ten short days, it will happen then.

In ten short days, a decision will be made.

In ten short days, the future for these babies will be be decided.

In ten short days, a courtroom possibly divided.

If only, if only we could all do what is best for them.

Jesus Christ, I pray to you right now for peace for all… Amen!