Tomorrow is the visit.

I’ve had it written on the calendar for weeks, the time is written in red.  We will not be late.  We will be dressed and ready to go well before the clock says the time.  I’ve had his outfit picked out for days.  He will be dressed in his cutest clothes.  I had his hair cut this week.  It has grown out for a few days, so it looks just perfect!  Tonight I gave him a bath, we moisturized his skin and now he smells squeaky clean!  I’ve cut his nails and cleaned his ears.  Tomorrow morning we’ll brush his teeth right before we leave the house.

Tomorrow is the visit.

Every single time that we have an upcoming visit I stress.  What will happen?  How will Little Man respond?  Will it be good for him or hurt him?  Will he cling to me or run to them?  Will he recognize people he hasn’t seen in almost a year?  I think all of these thoughts.  Then comes the preparations.  The diaper bag is packed.  The snack bag goes too.  I make sure we have everything that Little Man could possibly want or need.  We drive the two hours to the DHR building and we sit and wait.  Tomorrow will be the same.

Tomorrow is the visit.

I want to make a good impression.  I want them to see how much I care.  I want to be there for Little Man.  I want to be his rock when he needs me!  I want to be strong, but I feel so weak.  It is stressful and I feel anxious.  I must lean into the Lord.  I must trust that the Lord of heaven and earth has got this!  He knows what Little Man needs.  He knows what I need.  He will be my rock, so that I can be that for Little Man.

Tomorrow is the visit.


Another visit attempt

In two days, I will take Little Man two hours away from home to go and visit with his father. He has not seen him since January, so I am a bit apprehensive as to how the visit will go. Little Man isn’t good with change. He’s not what you would call an “easy going” child. He is strict and rigid with how he likes things done. He doesn’t like “new people.” But, to Little Man this man (who in all legal aspects is his father) is “new.” I’ve shown Little Man photos of his father and asked him, “who is this?” He stares at me blankly. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to confuse him more. I don’t want to prepare him too much for this visit because his father has cancelled so many visits in the past and there is no sense in getting Little Man all worked up for nothing. It is such a balancing act. I never know how much to do or how much not to do. It’s just so up in the air.

So, I will pray. I will ask that God prepare his little heart for whatever that day and this visit holds for him.