I’m so scared to let him go…

I’m so scared to let him go.  I’m trying to stay busy.  We are sticking with our routine of school, church, and our planned weekly activities, but in the quiet moments I find my thoughts racing and thinking about ways to change this!  The fact of the matter is; however, that I can do nothing to change this!  I can only gracefully, lovingly, and steadily help my son of 16 months to feel secure and safe these next few days.  I pray with him, play with him, let him eat his favorite foods.  I think, “should I write down his schedule for them,” or “should I write down what he likes to eat and drink?”  “What if they don’t have chocolate milk?”  “What if they don’t read, pray, and then kiss him goodnight?”  The fact of the matter is, they won’t do it like me.  They will do it very differently!  All I can do is pray!  That is it!  Wow!  What a humbling situation to be put into.  I am literally in a situation where I cannot DO anything!  I have to completely and fully rely on God in this!  What a blessing that I have the hope of Jesus and the hope that one day Little Man will come to know HIM and then in heaven, I will get to see him again!  I’m so worn out with worry tonight!  I’m tired and exhausted.  I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus and yet, I feel like I could keep going forever if there was just a chance I could change this.  But, I can’t, so I will read my son his story tonight and tuck him into bed.  I will pray our special prayer and I will tell him how much he is loved.  Then, I will go to bed and hopefully get enough rest to face tomorrow! 

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11 thoughts on “I’m so scared to let him go…

  1. When my foster boys left, I wrote up a little information about them for their grandmother — their favorite foods, likes, dislikes, routine, etc. I don’t know if she even looked at it, but it gave me peace of mind that she at least had a resource if she didn’t know what to do or things were getting tough.

    • That means the world to me!!! It’s been a rough day. His last day at preschool. Lots of packing and I’ve just been soaking in every moment with my precious boy! Video taping the words he says and his sweet voice!

    • Thank you. We’ve made it a little over 22 hours. The kids stayed home from school today and we just watched family home movies and snuggled on the couch. Good family time. We are grieving, but so thankful for our Little Man and his life! He will be in our hearts forever!

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